Where is our empathy?

When we are young we are taught; be nice to others; treat others how you would like to be treated: be caring. In other words, we are taught compassion and empathy in its simplest form. But something appears to have gone wrong somewhere. Somewhere we lost the compassion and empathy for victims of certain crimes.

I was upset when I read a recent report from White Ribbon Scotland. They found “1 in 4 young people (16-24 years) believe that a woman is partly responsible for being raped if she is drunk or dressed provocatively.” But sadly, I was not surprised. All too often when there is a story about domestic violence, rape, or sexual harassment, the first questions asked are “why was she there?”, “Why didn’t she leave?”, “How much did she have to drink?”, “What was she wearing?”

Where is our empathy? Our compassion?

When it comes to domestic abuse, rape and other forms of violence, we don’t want to put ourselves in the shoes of the victim because these things are too horrific to imagine. It is easier to separate ourselves from the statistics, from the stories on the news, from the realities of violence against women by identifying ways which the victim is different from you. “I wouldn’t dress that way”; “I don’t drink”; “I don’t walk down that street at night”.

Part of me wishes that I could say that this will keep you safe. But that’s not true. And I truly believe that the way we dress and behave should be motivated, not by fear, but by our personal choice, beliefs and values.

The only way to truly create a safe society for women; for our mothers, our sisters, our friends, is to tackle the REAL cause of rape and other forms of violence against women. Clothing is not the cause of rape. Neither is alcohol. Nor the street you walk down. Rapists cause rape. Just as abusers cause domestic abuse.

And it is these attitudes, these excuses, which give them impunity to do so.

The culture of victim blaming creates a belief that abusers and rapists are not responsible for their actions. What message does this give to victims? It’s your fault! What message does this give to perpetrators? That their behaviour is acceptable to us?! Men should be offended by ideas that rape can be excused because of the woman’s behaviour or appearance. Surely the other side of that coin is saying that men cannot control themselves and they are all monsters whom women need to protect themselves from.  But this is absolutely not true. Crimes of violence against women are perpetrated by a small minority of men.

So let’s put the blame firmly where it belongs. Let’s start reframing our thinking. Let’s start asking the right questions and pointing our fingers of judgement in the correct direction. Let’s send a message that violence against women will not be tolerated in our communities.

Join our campaign for change.

#YouCanChangeThis

 

Press Release: Amina the Muslim Women’s Resource Centre reacts to BBC revelations on Sharia Council.

News Release

Amina the Muslim Women’s Resource Centre reacts to BBC revelations on Sharia Council.

The revelations made by BBC Panorama: Inside Britain’s Sharia Courts, highlight a definite problem with the service women are receiving before Leyton Sharia council, featured in the program. An ideology of saving marriages must not take precedence over a women’s safety or wellbeing.

Amina the Muslim Women’s Resource Centre empowers women to fully participate in society by ensuring their voices are heard. We have seen the devastation that domestic abuse causes and our priority is ensuring that women find support and safety when and where they seek it. Our campaign – You Can Change This – aims to unite the Scottish Muslim communities, and friends, to speak out about all forms of violence against women, break the culture of silence, and change these damaging attitudes which allow it to thrive.

The behaviour displayed by the representatives of the Sharia council featured highlights dangerous attitudes toward domestic abuse, including victim blaming (“you should be courageous to ask this question to him, just tell me why you are upset huh? Is it because of my cooking? Is it because I see my friends? So that I can correct myself”); trivialising violence (“severely or just...”); and deterring victims from going to the Police. 

Sadly this incident gives us a glimpse into the mind set and attitudes that some people, including some people in trusted positions continue to hold.

These attitudes are not isolated to the Muslim communities nor are they a characteristic of Sharia Law. But wherever they occur they must be addressed.

Amina has long been aware that there needs to be a change in attitudes towards violence against women and towards women who have experienced abuse. It is important that all community figures are proactive in addressing domestic abuse rather than institutionally facilitating it. That is why, as part of our You Can Change This campaign, we produced a unique film featuring prominent Muslim men and community leaders, including Hanzala Malik MSP, Anas Sarwar MP, Aamer Anwar (human rights lawyer) and Humza Yousaf MSP for Glasgow, speaking out about violence against women. 

Smina Akhtar, of Amina said: “Whether these are rare or frequent experiences it raises concerns for the safety and well being of women accessing some Sharia councils. Where there is a situation of violence or abuse the woman's safety must be the paramount concern for any service she accesses.

Our work with women reveals how devastating the impact of violence against women can be.  Like a lot of other communities, this is not something openly spoken about in our communities and that is why the overall aim of our You Can Change This campaign is to break this silence.  Our campaign aims to challenge damaging attitudes which condone or ignore violence against women and consequently shame victims of violence into silence.”

Aamer Anwar, Human Rights Lawyer said, "There is absolutely no excuse for any Sharia council to perpetuate violence against women. Where they have breached any laws then it  is paramount that action should be taken against them. There is no point in our community repeatedly proclaiming Islam is a religion of peace, tolerance and  equality for women,  to then  behind closed doors (unaware of a secret camera) ride roughshod over those rights. They are not only breaching the existing laws of this country but distorting Islam to justify violence against women. That is unacceptable."

Humza Yousaf MSP for Glasgow said “Throughout my life I have been surrounded by remarkable women who have taught me to treat women with the respect and value they deserve.

It is vital that we stand up together and speak out against violence against women, and make sure that it is not seen as acceptable.

I am proud to be part of the ‘You Can Change This’ video, and I hope that it encourages women who are suffering to seek help, and for others to speak out against both emotional and physical violence.

It is time to break the silence and taboo around these issues so that we eliminate this damaging behaviour.”

On the ‘You Can Change This’ film, Smina Akhtar said: “We know that violence against women happens in all communities but we decided it was time some well known faces in our communities took a stand against this issue.

We know it is a minority of men who engage in violence and abuse, but the impact of their behaviour can be felt through a whole community. That is why it so important that these men have joined our campaign and spoken out.

We believe this film is important for two reasons.  Firstly men need to have positive male role models from their communities.  Secondly, there are too many unhelpful and damaging stereotypes which link oppression of women to Islam.  We wanted to tackle both of these issues.”