When we are
young we are taught; be nice to others; treat others how you would like to be
treated: be caring. In other words, we are taught compassion and empathy in its
simplest form.
I was upset when
I read a recent report from White Ribbon Scotland. They found “1 in 4 young people (16-24 years) believe
that a woman is partly responsible for being raped if she is drunk or dressed
provocatively.” But sadly, I was not surprised. All too often when there is
a story about domestic violence, rape, or sexual harassment, the first
questions asked are “why was she there?”, “Why didn’t she leave?”, “How much did she have to drink?”, “What was she wearing?”
Where is our empathy? Our compassion?
When it
comes to domestic abuse, rape and other forms of violence, we don’t want to put
ourselves in the shoes of the victim because these things are too horrific to
imagine. It is easier to separate ourselves from the statistics, from the
stories on the news, from the realities of violence against women by
identifying ways which the victim is different from you. “I wouldn’t dress that
way”; “I don’t drink”; “I don’t walk down that street at night”. Where is our empathy? Our compassion?
Part of me
wishes that I could say that this will keep you safe. But that’s not true. And
I truly believe that the way we dress and behave should be motivated, not by
fear, but by our personal choice, beliefs and values.
The only way
to truly create a safe society for women; for our mothers, our sisters, our
friends, is to tackle the REAL cause of rape and other forms of violence
against women. Clothing is not the cause of rape. Neither is alcohol. Nor the
street you walk down. Rapists cause rape. Just as abusers cause domestic abuse.
And it is these
attitudes, these excuses, which give them impunity to do so.
The culture
of victim blaming creates a belief that abusers and rapists are not responsible
for their actions. What message does this give to victims? It’s your fault!
What message does this give to perpetrators? That their behaviour is acceptable
to us?! Men should be offended by ideas that rape can be excused because of the
woman’s behaviour or appearance. Surely the other side of that coin is saying
that men cannot control themselves and they are all monsters whom women need to
protect themselves from. But this is
absolutely not true. Crimes of violence against women are perpetrated by a
small minority of men.
So let’s put
the blame firmly where it belongs. Let’s start reframing our thinking. Let’s
start asking the right questions and pointing our fingers of judgement in the
correct direction. Let’s send a message that violence against women will not be
tolerated in our communities.
Join our
campaign for change.
#YouCanChangeThis
